Are you like even an influencer if you don’t show off your extravagant beachside apartment on YouTube?!?
Tahlia Skaines is the most recent Insta model to share an ‘apartment tour’ vlog to flaunt her new digs she rents on the Gold Coast with boyfriend Mitch Third.
The most surprising part of the video was the 24-year-old was not wearing bikinis in the video, nor a bra with oversized trackies.
Instead, she opted for what looked like a white, sexy nurse outfit, with a plunging neckline – at least there was some continuity there.
The law graduate starts off the tour by letting all her loyal minions know she’ll outline where she bought everything so she can get paid… I mean so her followers can get the same as her.
Would it even be an influencer house if it wasn’t a neutral colour palette and almost resembled an igloo like Pingu lived in?
If the fuck off view of the beach that we always see on Instagram didn’t prove the former pharmacy assistant is living big off brand deals, the Chanel and Tom Ford ‘display books’ will drive that message home.
In the lounge, we spot the first of many dried flowers and crystals that adorn the home. Obviously, Tahls is not yet rich enough for Kardashian-esque real flower arrangements, but we’re guessing dried flowers are almost as bougie.
More crystals on the TV cabinet alongside a candle and sage… probably to ward off Insta trolls. More hideous dried flowers in vases from Bali because did you know Tahlia and Mitch have a villa in Bali together?!?
The TV cabinet is stocked up with alcohol so they can get litty lit in isolation.
An influencer without Smeg is like an influencer with fake followers, so course our girl has a Smeg toaster in the kitchen – Side note, they chose black because it matches the Nutribullet, stove and microwave – Tahls, if this bikini model thing doesn’t work out, you should be an interior designer.
Moving on to the pantry and of course like every Instagram Queen, Tahlia has got a bunch of expensive wanky jars with perfect labels to house food they never eat but looks good in the containers #pantrygoals.
Back in the living room, there’s more of the hideous dried flowers, but this time it's in a bouquet lying across an Ikea chair rendering it unusable… vile weed.
The fuck off ridiculous view is rubbed in our faces again.
Tahlia shows she’s a responsible adult that is one step away from getting a dog, by showing off her house plants.
“We wanted it to be a bit more green, outdoorsy Bali vibe. We love Bali so much that’s why we’ve got these trees here. This is the exactly same plant as we have at Villa Tahmi, so we’ve brought a bit of Bali here." – Can someone get this woman a gig on the Block or House Rules?!?
There's also a ladder on the balcony, incase either wants to escape iso.
Next, we’re shown the lounge with some really itchy looking pillows from Bali and a Moroccan rug made in Morocco of all places. The coffee table is decorated with more dried weeds.
“A lot of the pieces are from different places. We’ve got like (points at rug), this is from Morocco, (points at itchy pillow) this is from Bali, there’s something from Thailand in the apartment um the vases are from Bali, so got a bit of everything here.” – So worldly! If only we could travel again WAHHH!
The table isn’t complete without some more crystals and sage because you know, bad energies can fuck right off.
Tahlia gives us an insight into why the TV is so far from the lounge.
“If the TV was here the whole lounge would have to be flipped over that way towards the door where you walk out of the apartment and it would have just closed it off quite a bit. We wanted to have an open space um and our main focus wanting to obviously be on the ocean because that’s our favourite part. We watch the ocean much more than we watch the TV”
Who gives a fuck about Netflix when you can watch the ocean roll in from this palatial apartment?
Moving on to the bathroom and Tahlia reveals her and Mitch have separate bathrooms. Couples that poo together stay together, so perhaps trouble in paradise?
Finally, one aspect of the apartment that isn’t perfect, Tahlia’s bathroom has a shitty shower bath – except it’s still bloody nice.
For anyone playing at home, we’re up to five crystals in the apartment.
The bikini babe parades all the free beauty products companies have sent her.
Now into the bedroom and the couple of course have white bedding. The sort that she would just look at and they would get stained with fake tan. There’s also another one of those itchy pillows that would be hell to lie on.
Neutral, neutral, neutral.
Hanging above the bed are three prints. As you’d expect one has a deep quote in it, another some travel scenery and can you fucking believe? There’s even a framed picture of dried flowers!
Poor Mitch even has dried flowers on his bedside table. They’re reproducing!
You guessed it, Tahlia has dried flowers on her bedside table, more crystals and pretentious books that don’t actually have anything written inside.
“I’ve kind of only just started getting into crystals and sprays and stuff. But first of all, it started because they obviously just look really cute and I really like them and it kind of just gives like a homely feel and it’s like cool and um they just look good. But now I’m sort of getting into them and I like rubbing them on at night. So yeah!” – Sounds painful!
Of course, Tahlia has taken over the whole walk in robe as hers and relegated Mitch to the spare bedroom built-in.
Again, to prove her wealth, high-end designer labelled boxes are on display on the top shelf of the walk in.
“Not one coat hanger can fit in here it’s so full. I know some people are going to comment on here and say to use other coat hangers and I probably should but I just like how these brown ones look.” – It’s all about the aesthetic.
The clothing is colour-coordinated of course and despite it bursting at the seams, this is only her summer clothing. Her winter clothes are in storage. Who would've thought crop tops and crochet dresses would take up so much room!
Tahlia doesn’t bother showing Mitch’s bathroom because he obviously couldn’t be fucked to clean it. We’re assured it’s the same as Tahlia’s bathroom, but I can’t rest not knowing what it looks like.
Back in the bedroom, Tahls shows off the selfie mirror she got from Bunnings Warehouse that we normally see her half naked in. And are you ready for a life hack? It’s actually a sliding door not a mirror, saving her hundreds!
Now to her favourite room of the house – the creative space where she gets things done – the YouTube make up and filming room – Do you even YouTube if you don’t have a YouTube room?!?
We get a glimpse at her make-up desk, but not inside the draws. She’ll show these off later in another video. One thing we did get to see though was her weekly planner, which was empty….
Another room, means more hideous dried flowers in vases from Bali.
Kmart see-through jewellery boxes are on display, making it easy for robbers to find.
A filming room wouldn’t be complete without a pretentious clothing wrack to hang up ‘haul outfits’ for her next YouTube videos.
Of course, there’s more inspiring quotes on the wall, as well as a notebook that probably is blank. However, the tan notebook is important as it ties in with the tan bag that’s also in the room – the details are outstanding.
There’s also another pointless chair in this room with dried flowers on it.
If you would like to see the full 27 minute apartment tour, check out Tahlia Skaines' YouTube channel here.
*DISCLAIMER* - For those who don't have a sense of humour, this is clearly satirical.