Bachelor villain turned feminist queen Abbie Chatfield has spilt some serious tea about her first rose ceremony.
The 24-year-old narrated her appearance on the first episode of the series on her Instagram story because what else is there to do in isolation?
“Do you think I’m a sadist or nah?” she asked her 144k Instagram followers before laughing at herself getting out of the limo and adjusting her boobs.
Abbie revealed she was suffering severe anxiety at the time, but tried to look calm as she met Bachelor Matt Agnew.
“I’m so nervous. I look like I’m on drugs. I was so cold and scared. I look cute. My make up’s nice,” she exclaimed.
The former property analysis admitted she asked Matt to spin on the spot so she could not only have a moment to collect her thoughts but also #equality.
“Also the queen is all about equality. Don’t make me spin if you ain’t gonna spin, babe. We’re both objects,” she captioned the video.
Abbie mocked the ‘sex music’ used to portray her as the series’ villain and screamed, “Osher! Oh my god it’s Osher!” when the beloved host appeared on the screen.
However, things turned serious when the rose ceremony started and goose bumps grew on Abbie’s legs as she watched.
The ‘That’s A Lot’ podcast host revealed under the confident façade she was mentally struggling. “I remember during rose ceremonies, I honestly couldn’t cope because having daddy issues and a father that left when I was younger, this is the epitome of like will a man abandon you.
“That’s literally what it is. Does this man want you? And your validation is entirely dependent on this man being like, ‘I want you,’ right? Via a miscellaneous plant,” she said.
Abbie said she would count the patterns on the wallpaper behind Matt in an attempt to remain calm while her inner voice tortured her.
“I would literally hear in my head, because I was stressed and it was dependent on this man’s approval, I would hear you’re a piece of shit. You’re worthless. No one wants you. Your dad didn’t want you, so why would anyone else want you? And it came out of nowhere.
“I don’t really ever think these things (normally), but during rose ceremony I was like this was daddy issues were like RAAR!!
“And that’s why it’s so funny to me and upsetting that everyone was like you’re a cocky bitch. You’re so confident. The opposite was happening. I was having a near panic attack and mental break downs during these rose ceremonies, being like I’m worthless. It was so bad,” she said.
Fortunately, Abbie said she has experienced personal growth since the traumatic incident and is helping others along the way with her real and raw podcast.
Plus, she is set to star on Bachelor in Paradise, whenever Network Ten decides to release it.